What To Do When You’re Feeling Really Really Sad

Losing something that is important to you really sucks! It especially sucks when that something that was important to you was a big part of your dreams, plans and hopes for the future. When you lose that thing, it feels like someone stepping into your mind and stomping out all those happy plans you had stored. I hate losing stuff. I really do.

Perhaps you’ve recently lost something important? Perhaps you’re feeling sad about that? What do you do? How do you deal with grief in a healthy way? Just what do you do when you’re feeling really realy sad?

The first thing that helps is to understand that feeling sad is normal. It’s a normal part of the grieving process. A big mistake many people make is that they fail to realize the normality of the process. They run from the pain. They jump into a new situation to try and replace the old, and they end up still sad. Or they drink or get wasted. (Rarely does this help!) So, if you understand that it’s normal to feel sad you’ll be able to accept that what you are feeling.

Acceptance is the answer to most all our problems. Accept the grief. Accept the loss. Accept and do the second thing, which is feel the pain. Feel the sadness. Don’t run from it. Don’t lose yourself in drugs and a relationship or something personally self-damaging. Just feel the damned pain, even though it feels terrible doing it. Running from the things that our emotional aspect is trying to deal with only complicates things.

You know, it’s funny. When we break our arm, we have no problem accepting the cast. It sucks to live with it on for a few weeks, but we deal. We know that the healing process takes time. We accept this. But with a broken heart or deep sadness, we don’t want to take the necessary time for our soul to heal. Emotions are tricky, and we really don’t like living with what’s uncomfortable. But, if you want to do something positive when you’re feeling really really bad, feel your emotions and don’t run.

Next, write. Writing is one of the best ways to process those grief feelings. It’s a way to be there for yourself, a way to talk to someone when all other people are tired of hearing you whine about your loss. Writing is a great way to work through and analyze what happened. Just be sure to not start beating yourself up for whatever loss you are dealing with. Loss happens to us all. The death of things, relationships, friendships, partnerships, family are all part of life. We cannot escape it. To beat yourself up over what happens to us all, is to spend time in Sillyland. And Sillyland sucks. The rides are terrible and there are too many people already there, so don’t waste your time or money.

Back to the topic, writing is a great way to work past the sad feelings you are having.

It’s also a really good idea to do something cool for someone else. I mean really put your heart into helping someone. Do something positive for a friend or family member. Or, do something great for someone you don’t know.

No, if you’re grieving the loss of your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t make something for them. It’ll only confuse things.

Instead, pour your energy into writing a blog designed to help others, writing a story that you can tell to kids, building a company that helps people solve their problems, or painting a picture for your best friend. Concentrate all your energy on trying to solve someone else’s problem. Even if it feels hard, difficult, and bad doing it, do it anyway. It’s better than sitting around thinking about all that you’ve lost, and how crappy your life is going to be from here on out. Get busy helping someone.

You can try this too. Go to a really high floor in a city building, go to a window and look down at all the people. No, don’t jump. Instead, notice how small everyone is. Realize that if one of those persons were standing where you are and looking down at you walking past, they would see you as being really small. Try to realize how small we all are. Try to see that the problems and sadness we are feeling, though real and important, is only a small piece in this big puzzle called life. We are small, and our problems are really not that big. They feel huge, but their not. We’re alive and breathing, we have intelligence, we have worth, we are smart and able. We can do enough to have a happy and joy-filled, successful life. We have breath in our lungs! And that’s really a great place to start.

Lastly, write a gratitude list. Consider all the good things in your life that seem insignificant in comparison to the pain you are feeling. Consider the fact that you are breathing. Consider that you have two legs to walk on. Consider all the things that are right about you and your life right here and now. Yes the negatives will come and tell you that your rights are stupid and childish and not the same. But write anyhow. Write about how you are grateful that you have a full head of hair, or a little extra fat on your body which means you’re not starving. Find the things to be grateful for. There are always many things that each of us have to be so for.

Bottomline: loss sucks. Losing people and things is a really sad thing. But, we cannot avoid it. We are human, and humans lose things. It’s the way of the world. We can, however, choose how we react to it.

You can rest assured that spending too much time wallowing in the sadness is not helpful. Despite the loss, we all have a life that we need to keep living. It’s our responsibility. So, with that knowledge, and the tips I’ve written about, you’ll be able to make it through this painful time.

Remember the pain will pass. "This too shall pass". So keep going. Feel the pain, and allow the healing to occur. Be patient with yourself and with the process.

Until next time, ciao!

3 Benefits Of Continuing To Blame People, Places And Things For Your Problems.

Are you still blaming your parents for the reason you’re not a stunning success today? Are you still saying to yourself, “gee, if only mom would have loved me better, then I would have had better self-esteem and been able to get the girl or boy I wanted.”? If so, keep doing it! Don’t stop! Blaming others for your problems is a great way to live your life. Let’s examine 3 awesome benefits you get from continuing to blame others, things and places for the state of your crappy life.

First, blaming others and things is easy. You don’t have to think. You simply do it. It comes natural. Why? Because it’s an instinctual reaction to life. The tendency to blame is rooted in our primal mind, our savage mind, our infant mind. We come by it naturally. In essence, it’s our human nature, and therefore comes easily. By continuing to place blame, rather than take responsibility, we can live an easier life through expanding less mental energy.

Second, blaming others keeps us young. We all loved the feelings we had when we were a kid. Even if we had a crappy childhood, there were probably some moments of joy. Those good moments, whether they were extremely few or mountainously plentiful were great and worth remembering. By living according to our childish tendency, which is what the blaming habit is, we get to continue to live in our childhood. An adult takes responsibility for his or her life, an adult recognizes that life was troublesome in childhood, yes crappy things happened, yes good things happened, but they are in the past. An adult feels the feelings he or she needs to feel regarding those past things, and then gets busy recovering from the damage. An adult accepts the wreckage, the damage, and works to make the best of what they have been dealt in life.

But not a child. Oh no, a child remains stuck. It feels good to remain in infancy. It’s more funny and warm and furry. The memory of that safe place, mommy’s womb—or the test tube in some cases—is something that we long for. Somehow, our dreams of childhood, our wish to stay a baby keeps us locked in habits that really do no one any good, especially us. Yet, by practicing them, we get the huge benefit of remaining childish. …and that’s awesome!

The third benefit, though certainly not the last benefit, of blaming others is that we get to stay the same. We get to not do a damn thing to make and build the kind of life we want for ourselves. We get to avoid the hard work of figuring out what we are responsible for in life, what we need to do to make things happen for our liking, what we need to do when it comes to our emotions and attitudes, etc. We get to stay the same, and blame others for our crappy life. We get to avoid taking responsibility for our own happiness. We get to remain dependant on others, on things, on places for our happiness. We get to cry and feel sorry for ourselves…oh doesn’t that feel warm and awesome! I love the feeling of self-pity. Many of you probably do too. So keep doing it. Keep staying in it. And keep avoiding responsibility by blaming. That way you can never amount to a damn thing and not have to feel bad about it because…after all…it’s not your fault. It’s because of them!

To end: I love blame. I think everyone should do it. I think it’s the best way to live life. The other option is just too damned hard, and therefore not worth the effort. Life is too difficult as it is, so who needs to add to the difficulty of life by trying to become fully human, by trying to rise from the ashes of our more primal yesterdays, or by working toward a destiny independent of the them, the those things, or of the this damn place?

Food for thought!