Jul 31, 2010

How To Stop Blocking Yourself

There is a great quote by famous surgeon Maxwell Maltz. In his book, “Thought To Live By” he says that so many of us are hypnotized by false beliefs about ourselves.

Upon reading this, I started to wonder.

First, if you are completely unfamiliar with the work of Dr. Maltz, I’ll fill you in on some basics.

Dr. Maltz was a plastic surgeon. In fact, he was a very famous plastic surgeon. In his profession, he again and again came across people who were convinced that their major problem in life was something physical about themselves. Whenever he performed the surgery to improve what his patients believed needed improving, he discovered that soon their new found confidence wained, and they were back again looking to find something else about their bodies that should be fixed.

Over time, Dr. Maltz realized that the problem most of these people were having was an issue of self-concept. He began to notice that they simply viewed themselves in a way that never let them stop judging themselves, criticising themselves, harming themselves from the inside. So, he decided that something needed to be done about this.

To combat what he saw as a terrible problem, he wrote several books with tips about how to find your way back from a self-concept that views oneself as a seriously problematic person with tonnes of flaws and imperfections to a self-concept of unconditional love and acceptance.


His work is really brilliant, and very helpful. I won’t say his tips are easy to do. They sound easy, but they are ANYTHING BUT EASY. Still, writing them and giving them to people was a wonderful gift he gave. His work has helped many people over-come their limiting beliefs. They've helped people quit pooping on themselves with negative self-talk, and thereby begin giving themselves more constructive thoughts. Those positive thoughts have helped people to achieve more than they ever believed possible. Including me.

So today, I’d like to give a tip I have used to help you overcome some of the false beliefs you have about yourself. Why? Because I really want you to stop blocking yourself from doing what you really want, I want you to stop holding yourself back, and to stop pooing on yourself.


I believe that it is our false beliefs about ourselves that really do keep us from achieving more in life. If I believe I am a failure, I will do things to ensure that belief about myself is maintained. Usually I will blame my failure on other people, but that is often too a trick my brain plays to ensure my self-belief is maintained.

(Why do we defend our self-belief? It’s quite complicated. I think we do it, because it’s all we have. If we open ourself, we realize how fragile we are. If we do that, we cringe in fear of oblivion. Humans tend to not enjoy thoughts of oblivion, unless it’s self-induced through drugs or drink….but that’s another story).

Our beliefs about ourselves are born out of our early experience. Perhaps we become convinced that we cannot draw well. That belief leads to the action of NOT drawing. Since we believe we cannot draw, we do not draw. That choice to believe in our inability perpetuates itself. It becomes an ingrained habit of inaction. We don’t do, we believe, we believe we don’t do. The brain hardens. And…we prove ourselves right. We cannot draw. (Maybe one day we even try. But the feeling of trying is so excrutiating that we put the pencil down and once again conclude that DAMMIT, I CANT DRAW).

Please understand, I’m not saying everyone is a Picasso. But, I am saying that people have a lot more talents than they believe themselves to have. Our biggest mistake is in thinking that a talent is only a talent if it gets us in a history book or on TV. Everything else but a fame making talent is a waste of time and effort…or so many people’s reasoning goes. (Which is BS, by the way!)

So how do we dehypnotize ourselves? How do we unlock the belief in our lameness?

First, we have to be willing to act in the new way. We have to be willing to go through the growing pains of doing the new thing. Trust me, learning something as an adult sucks! But, to break through the bullcrap limitation we believe about ourselves, we must push into the uncomfortable place of change.

We must do what we fear. We must be patient with the process. Change in REAL LIFE is not a microwave change. In movies a hero goes from lonely dork to cool guy in two hours. Movies are movies. They are a story designed to entertain, not depict reality. Don’t forget that.

We must push and push and do and do and push and do and do and push and pus past the limiting voices of belief. We must realize that the beliefs we have are NOT necessarily truth! They feel like truth, but they are only subjective agreements we have made about the way things are on earth, and in our lives. Usually people have helped us reinforce those beliefs, but that is not the issue in this article. What is, is your pushing and doing something different despite the ugly crappy pain.

I really like one technique, and I use it all the time. I have a habit of putting myself down. I often say something rather negative to myself both while I am alone with my thoughts, and while I am in the company of other people. Well, let me tell you, putting yourself down is a terribly silly horrible bad….ooops….I mean, putting yourself down is not the most constructive habit. To combat the effect of the self-putdown, I usually retort myself with three positive statements about myself. For example, “Ewww…my eyes have too many wrinkles…..but, I’ve got a full head of hair, my teeth are all mine, and I’m cute. “ Three positives to every negative. More positives if needed.

This is a great thing to do if you are Korean. I often hear people say, “I’m not good at English.” This sentence pisses me off. It makes me angry because a) they are saying it in English, and b) it’s false humility. You are good at English. No you are not native. So what! Get over the self-deprecating crap attitude and behavior. You speak well. As well as someone in your position who has studied as much as you have, at least. So give yourself a break. Next time you become aware of saying I’m not good at English, remember to say three or more positives.

Unless you like thinking you are the worst of the worst, because you get some kind of perverse pride out of it. In which case, keep pooping on yourself. And, if you would like, give me a call. I’ll come over and poop on you too.

YUCK!