Aug 21, 2010

The 3 Best Ways for Enduring the Stress of Moving

Moving houses, apartments, boxes from underneath the bridge is a terrible thing! It ranks on the “sucks to do this” scale at a 9.5 out of 10. Death, of course, being 10. The stress of moving is enough to create four extra wrinkles in all our faces.

So how do we get through the stress?
There are 3 ways.

First, you could get drunk. It's an option. You can drink and drink and drink some more. This way won’t work for all of us, and it’s only a temporary solution that will actually only make matters worse, but it’s an option.

Sometimes temporary bliss is better than that ugly feeling of putting up with movers, putting shit into boxes, lifting heavy crap up stairs, navigating refrigerators around awkward corners and through narrow doors. So keep this option in mind.


Second, yell at a lot of people. This one works wonders! It makes you feel good for that one or two moments that you’re in the middle of a tirade against someone you don’t know at all. SHUT UP! EAT ME! I’LL KILL YOU!
Anger is a great way to blow off the steam of stress. Unfortunately, you’ve got to deal with the consequences.

So, I recommend that if you’re going to blow of steam, you find someone else's kid, and take it out on them. They’re the least harmful. If you make them cry, it doesn’t matter. You can run away and pretend that it never happened. If someone questions you about it, just deny it. No one believes kids anyhow. And, if you permanently scar the little kid, it’s okay, because you don’t have to live with the reminder of the effect of your crap attitude as it grows into a neurotic little adult.

This is awesome!

If you yell at your own kid, or at someone big like you…you have to live with the consequences, and that is simply unacceptable.


The final tip is to do the mature thing and write stuff down. Make a list of all that needs to be done.

Slowly, one by one, tick off the items as you complete them. Writing them down helps eliminate the stress of carrying the shit in your head, and thinking all the time that you won’t forget anything.

Constant memory holding is like weight lifting for the brain, only it effects your stomach, your liver, your nerves, in fact, it effects most all your internal organs and skin. Negatively.
So don’t do that.

Instead, write down a list. That way, you’re brain is free to do other stuff. Like figure out ways to yell at other people’s kids and not get caught.


There’s actually one other way to deal with the stress of moving, but saying it seems rather silly. The bottom line is that you really don’t have to move at all. You can stay in your current house, apartment or box next to the river. If it’s good enough where you are now, why do risk getting drunk, yelling at strangers children, or doing the work of writing things down, when you can stay comfortably in the pleasant normalcy you’ve created for yourself.
But…that’s just a suggestion.

To conclude, do yourself a favor: pick one of the things mentioned here, and try your best to endure the second most shittiest thing to dying.


All for now,


Michael